.:I'm wearing my footsteps into this floor. Someday I won't live here anymore:.

.:And someone will wonder who lived here before and went on their way:.

Patty Griffin. I love you. You know exactly what to say and when to say it.

Mom came this week to help me find a new place to live. It came down to 2 places, and it was one of the hardest decisions we have made in a very long time. I was a nervous wreck about everything - EVERYTHING - until we made a decision. I was nervous about things I've never been nervous about before.

The fact about everything is that I'm growing up. It scares me a little bit, but only because I hate that responsibility that seems to weigh so much, but I have to deal with it. I wish that some things didn't come with such weight, honestly, like finding a place to live. I don't want to make a huge mistake and there are so many factors that contribute to that decision that I didn't know what to choose over the other. Basically, it came down to a financial decision. It's a good decision, especially now, but I just hope that down the road, in a year or 2, that I can take the opportunities I encounter and not suffer for it. That's the goal. We'll see how it goes.

Another good thing that came from this visit is that my mother and I see a little more eye-to-eye now, and that is refreshing. She questioned her ability as a mother when I told her where I wanted to live and I didn't understand that or explain myself until we were crying at the lunch table. Then, she questioned her ability as a provider (in many ways) and I didn't really understand that either until we were crying at the dinner table. It has been quite an emotional week for us, but her plane is taking off right now, and I know she's happy with me and my decisions. I can't ask for more than that right now. She's a really great mother. I hope I can be even half the woman she has been to me one day.

I truly love the woman who gave me life.

.:Will you stand by me, or not at all?:.

I've been single for a week now. I think I may like myself better like that, actually.

Break-ups are almost like deaths in a way. You mourn the loss of a connection you had with someone, everything becomes a process with the spectrum of emotions you endure, and in the end, you try to remember the good times. Of course, there are many differences, but I seem to go through all of these things when dealing with a death of any form. But I am no expert on either, so it would make sense that nothing I say of the 2 makes sense.


Recently, I decided I will try to write another book, alongside the one I've been writing for a few years (that hasn't gotten very far). Some people enjoy my writings, so I want to see where this goes. I'm entitling this one "Death&Sugar." It's going to be funny. Maybe I'm the only one who gets it, but it's all in my head right now. We'll see.


There's a new photography idea I have floating around in my brain that involves, once again, the use of my shoes. This idea, however, is much more personal than just lining them up in a square on my lawn and photographing them. I would like to photograph a pair of shoes and send the photo in the form of a card to my closest friends. In this card, I will explain how I see them as one of my beloved pairs of shoes. This is partially inspired by the refrigerator magnet my mom once got me that says, "You can't have too many friends or pairs of shoes." Even refrigerator magnets inspire me. Go figure.


Wednesday, I officially became a pedestrian. For a while now, I had thought of taking a day off from using my car once a week. The thought process went like this: If I don't use my car once a week, I will be forced to abandon my laziness and actually - gasp - walk some places or to the bus stop. I will see a different side of life by walking/taking the bus because it will show me things I would otherwise miss by driving my car.

This is all due to my wanting to slow down, break my dependence on certain things, and try to have an even fuller life. Granted, I feel that my life is already yet so full, but I want the absolute most I can get out of it while learning more and more along the way.