Saturday, September 27, 2008

.:If you're going to San Francisco, wear flowers in your hair:.

I leave from Zurich for Paris tomorrow. It is surreal that I've been here 3 days already. Zurich, Luzern, and Bern are the places I have been these days, and I can't pick one as a favorite. The way of life here is so beautiful. I want to stay! I keep asking Rob if Starbucks could transfer me here. Why not? You have but only one life to live, after all.

I wrote this today in my travel journal (that I have half-full so far - but it's tiny anyway). Enjoy.

"Sept. 27

I'm writing from the Rosengarten (rose garden) on top of a hill in Bern. It overlooks the city, and the view - it is hard to describe accurately how beautiful it is. I see the Muenster church and the Congress building in the distance, 2 places I've seen up close. The trees are below me and I'm sitting on the grass. I was on a bench, but I chose to come here.

I've only been in Switzerland for 3 days, but most like all the international places I've been (less so for Bangkok), I find myself attached to it and all its charm. Right now, we are on the train back to Zurich from Bern. The sun is shining on my face as I watch it fall over the Swiss city over my right shoulder. This is a time and feeling I do not want to take for granted.

I realized that today while I was sitting in the grass at the Rosengarten overlooking Bern. Ever since I planned this trip, I had envisioned myself up high over a city, looking out, and having some kind of moment where my life made much more sense than perhaps the moment before. I had that very feeling at the rose garden as well as now on the train.

So often, I take things and people and places in my life for granted, and I don't necessarily mean to. Either I become very busy or very distant for one reason or another, and I think that is an excuse I make to keep up what I've been doing. How many people are as fortunate as I am to have the friends, family, and lifestyle that I have? I cannot think of too many, really. How many people do I know who can say they have watched the sun set over a valley in Switzerland, or have been in 4, 5, or 6 countries where the common language they first overhear in the morning is not their own? Again, not too many. I am eternally grateful for my life and the incredible things that occupy it. I hope that from this moment on that I can remember being moved to tears on a mountainside by the gorgeous view of the capital of Switzerland and let it serve as a reminder to be thankful for every waking moment that I am alive and well in this intriguing world."

I love you all.

Monday, September 22, 2008

.:Some people don't care if they live or they die. They just wanna know what it feels like to fly.:.

Wednesday morning is approaching at a greater speed than I had planned for. Of course, I work 3:30 to close tonight and tomorrow, thus leaving me about 2 seconds to accomplish everything that needs to be done in preparation for my expedition. I do not have time to shower today, however, I have made time to eat breakfast and do some writing. One would think my priorities are a little off, but I don't mind. My whole world is off. I rather enjoy it that way.

I went for a drink (of water, actually) with my friends Jillian and Jourdan. It was her 27th birthday, and I'm glad I took a break. I was told many hilarious and stomach churning stories by her friend she saw at Little Woodrow's and invited him over to hang out with them. He was an interesting guy who has done some pretty unbelievable things. Apparently, Korean cat tastes amazing. Good to know. I'll add that one to the food blog for when I go to Korea.

Blackmail on South Congress is having a Little Black Dress competition. I have been telling everyone I'm entering since I found out about it, but I didn't officially start, apart from buying fabric (Let me tell you how glad I am that I didn't slack on that one!), until yesterday at about 6:30 pm. I stopped sewing around 4 this morning, but this was after cooking dinner for about an hour and having about 2 hours worth of social activity. I was starting to get extremely frustrated toward the end, basically because I was tired and didn't care as much. Honestly, though, even in it's almost finished state, I am so proud of myself! It looks so great, and I can't believe I even thought it up or made it myself. I copied the top part from a pattern, but I added everything else, so it feels 95% me. Even though I labored until my eyes went cross and my shoulders and neck are killing me today, it warms my heart. I don't care if I win (ok, that's not true)! I am, ultimately, excited about what I've done and what this shows me as a designer/seamstress/sewn product manufacturer. [Sewn product manufacturer: One who dreams it up and makes it. How nonglamorous does that sound?]

Today would be a great day for me to abandon my car with this feeling I have, but I have too much to do. Maybe I'll get to post again before I leave. We'll see.

Friday, September 19, 2008

.:I went walkin' down the street, yeah, and who did I meet?:.

It's Saturday morning. I woke up earlier than I had ever planned to, but that's alright. I've got a lot of things I need to do today.

My kitchen is tiny, my sink is almost microscopic, but I absolutely adore being in here. This particular attachment could be due to the fact that I transformed this mecca of goodness from a dirty, nauseating hole of clashing purples. Let it not go unsaid that I definitely had some help from my wonderful friends. However, the majority of my labors went into this kitchen and I have this longing to take it with me wherever I go.

Why is it that we hold on to the things that we make or put the most effort into? We find it difficult to let go of things or people or places that take up our time and sweat, but do we ever consider that of others on the same plane? I'm afraid not, which is why I believe the artist world is such a struggle.

In less than a week, I will be in Zurich, Switzerland. Yes, I will be eating Swiss chocolate (are you kidding me?!). Yes, I will be meeting someone I've been friends with for half my life and never met him (I'll explain that one one day). And yes, I will find parts of life that I've never encountered, or at least, I hope to. There is a great, big, huge world of nothing but possibilities and endless dreams for me, and everything within me trembles with excitement and nervousness. I say nervousness because I was someone who was somewhat afraid to delve into what she was interested in for a very long. It truly took Nathan's passing to bring me out of this strange shell I allowed myself to be in. I'm not grateful for his death, but some good things have come of it. I won't say I'm a completely different person than before because it is still me. I'm just more of who I truly am because of it. I miss him every single day. Let that be noted as well.

Oh, world. What am I going to do with you today? I'll be cleaning and organizing a bit so when I come back, I can be a designer and not just a barista. However, I made a vow to myself to enjoy what I do as much as I possibly can and see the brighter side of rude customers who see me as a dehumanized corporate coffee chain attendant. After all, it could be much worse. Hmm. . .

.:Will you stand by me, or not at all?:.

I've been single for a week now. I think I may like myself better like that, actually.

Break-ups are almost like deaths in a way. You mourn the loss of a connection you had with someone, everything becomes a process with the spectrum of emotions you endure, and in the end, you try to remember the good times. Of course, there are many differences, but I seem to go through all of these things when dealing with a death of any form. But I am no expert on either, so it would make sense that nothing I say of the 2 makes sense.

Recently, I decided I will try to write another book, alongside the one I've been writing for a few years (that hasn't gotten very far). Some people enjoy my writings, so I want to see where this goes. I'm entitling this one "Death&Sugar." It's going to be funny. Maybe I'm the only one who gets it, but it's all in my head right now. We'll see.

There's a new photography idea I have floating around in my brain that involves, once again, the use of my shoes. This idea, however, is much more personal than just lining them up in a square on my lawn and photographing them. I would like to photograph a pair of shoes and send the photo in the form of a card to my closest friends. In this card, I will explain how I see them as one of my beloved pairs of shoes. This is partially inspired by the refrigerator magnet my mom once got me that says, "You can't have too many friends or pairs of shoes." Even refrigerator magnets inspire me. Go figure.

Wednesday, I officially became a pedestrian. For a while now, I had thought of taking a day off from using my car once a week. The thought process went like this: If I don't use my car once a week, I will be forced to abandon my laziness and actually - gasp - walk some places or to the bus stop. I will see a different side of life by walking/taking the bus because it will show me things I would otherwise miss by driving my car.

This is all due to my wanting to slow down, break my dependence on certain things, and try to have an even fuller life. Granted, I feel that my life is already yet so full, but I want the absolute most I can get out of it while learning more and more along the way.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

.:Some days I look down, afraid I will fall:.

Stilettos and Airplanes. Two of my many obsessions. God, how materialistic. But you know what? I could care less.

The color on my mind right now is a very mossy green. It's the color I see when I envision a swamp in the early morning with fog hovering over it. That's my life stage right now. It's beautiful for what it is, but I long for sunnier days that come and go.

Today, my world comprises of hot chai with milk, my usual breakfast for South Beach Diet purposes, Death Cab for Cutie, Patty Griffin (ok, she's my ultimate favorite - I just decided right this instant), organizing, and hopefully, starting the dress I will be making for the Little Black Dress Competition. We'll see.

I want to make videos - beautiful, captivating, inspiring videos of things just dancing. I need more dancing in my life. I'm going to go dance with myself and my dreams.