Something happened today that has been on my mind ever since. It forced me to realize just how selfish and horrible I am, and I've been thinking about the heart of my friend who helped me see this light all day long.
This morning at Vox, my realization began when my friend Hannah shared information about Haiti. I listened to the facts of the devastation as photos rolled behind her, and I started to think about how these people have lost so much and all I can think about during this time are my own issues. It's disgusting, really, to be so self-absorbed, which is largely what I've been since coming back from Georgia and making all of these lifestyle changes. But it didn't stop there.
Sweet Becky, my friend who was homeless but now lives in a trailer on the East side and sells flowers on the Drag, shared something that made me really upset for her and then upset at myself. She has been deeply connected with a pastor she calls "Brother Dwayne," who has a church on the East side and has done really wonderful things for the homeless community. Brother Dwayne has been on Becky's lips since the day I met her, so I know she really loves this man and all he has done for her and countless others in need. Becky announced that he died in a car wreck not very long ago, maybe last week, and although I never met him, I'm tearing up now just writing about it. I don't deal well with death, and most of those close to me know this, but especially when such incredibly loving individuals such as Brother Dwayne are taken away. It seems that the really great ones are taken before anyone can prepare for it. He also has 3 children with 1 on the way. My heart was crushed. Becky spoke a little bit about her own feelings, and that's when I realized I'm a really horrible human being.
Picture a woman who is about 60, pretty short, round, almost toothless, and wears an interesting array of clothing that is too big for her. She has long white hair and very pale skin with tiny, beady eyes. She is often mistaken as homeless although she is no longer, though she still struggles. This sweet woman told a room full of people that she wanted to do more for the homeless in Brother Dwayne's honor. Becky - a person who has barely anything to her name - wants to give more to other people. It's so beautiful that it makes me cry as I sit here comfortably on my leather couch, with air conditioning, listening to music on my iPhone that plays through a portable Bose speaker. I just want to rip my heart out and stomp on it for an hour.
I want a heart like Becky's - to give everything I have for other people because I truly want to. To have that desire, that ability to forget about yourself for the benefit of others, is something I hope I can achieve one day for my own life. Maybe one day I won't be so comfortable with all of my stuff surrounding me but instead make a difference out of humility.