Saturday, March 7, 2009

.:I'm wearing my footsteps into this floor. Someday I won't live here anymore:.

.:And someone will wonder who lived here before and went on their way:.

Patty Griffin. I love you. You know exactly what to say and when to say it.

Mom came this week to help me find a new place to live. It came down to 2 places, and it was one of the hardest decisions we have made in a very long time. I was a nervous wreck about everything - EVERYTHING - until we made a decision. I was nervous about things I've never been nervous about before.

The fact about everything is that I'm growing up. It scares me a little bit, but only because I hate that responsibility that seems to weigh so much, but I have to deal with it. I wish that some things didn't come with such weight, honestly, like finding a place to live. I don't want to make a huge mistake and there are so many factors that contribute to that decision that I didn't know what to choose over the other. Basically, it came down to a financial decision. It's a good decision, especially now, but I just hope that down the road, in a year or 2, that I can take the opportunities I encounter and not suffer for it. That's the goal. We'll see how it goes.

Another good thing that came from this visit is that my mother and I see a little more eye-to-eye now, and that is refreshing. She questioned her ability as a mother when I told her where I wanted to live and I didn't understand that or explain myself until we were crying at the lunch table. Then, she questioned her ability as a provider (in many ways) and I didn't really understand that either until we were crying at the dinner table. It has been quite an emotional week for us, but her plane is taking off right now, and I know she's happy with me and my decisions. I can't ask for more than that right now. She's a really great mother. I hope I can be even half the woman she has been to me one day.

I truly love the woman who gave me life.

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